Kyler Murray’s dog didn’t like the taste of the quarterback’s homework, so his blushing bosses broke down and ate it for him.
No more mandatory study hall for Kyler.
To avoid taking a fiscal loss, the Arizona Cardinals QB — who, as Cole Porter wrote, has the nimble tread on the feet of Fred Astaire — signed up to be embarrassingly sacked. By friendly fire.
At least it was supposed to be friendly. But this was a Deacon Jones head slap in strength, and a Will Smith in humiliation.
Included in his new $230 million contract, was a clause stating he had to study film/whatever four hours a week, outside the office. It wasn’t supposed to be leaked, but somebody in the organization cracked the pipe, and it became a cascading cause celebre.
It told us something. Cards brass obviously felt Murray wasn’t doing enough off the field to reach his potential — which is considerable. There could be no other reason for putting in such unprecedented language.
Four hours would seem like a few seconds for a top quarterback. Tom Brady, who’s won seven Super Bowls, reportedly watches film 50 hours a week, although some of that may be shots of him posing and doing various chores around the house.
No one knows why Kyler signed this in the first place (he does have an agent). Maybe he was dazzled by the $150 million in guaranteed money. But when the homework clause was revealed, the enormous unsocial media fan was out there and the manure hit it with great force.
And so the organization did a Mike Haynes backpedal and removed the clause from the contract.
Have to wonder how it was going to be monitored, anyway. Were the bosses going to put a camera in Murray’s home, assign a football nanny to watch over him and report back? Would a bell go off when his time was up?
But there’s little chance of getting this stuffing back in the turkey. No matter what anyone says on his behalf — including USC’s Lincoln Riley, who says he was concerned Kyler worked too hard when he coached the Heisman winner at Oklahoma — it may be gone from the contract, but the damage is in indelible ink.
Unless he wins a Lombardi or two, he’s always going to have this hanging over his helmet.
Since that fateful day, when Eve told Adam she had a hankering for fruit and he was picked off by the Big Cornerback In The Sky, QBs have manned the most important helm in sports, as the great generals have on the fields of battle.
They didn’t become great without planning and studying the opposition. A quarterback, no matter how gifted, has no chance of excellence without putting in the extra work.
I have seen it firsthand. Can’t forget it.
A few decades back, I was hanging in the lobby of The NFL Team That Used To Be Here’s headquarters after practice. Ryan Leaf walked past me and left the building carrying his golf clubs. As he headed for the links, in came backup quarterback Moses Moreno, carrying his playbook.
Leaf never put in the work. Nor did JaMarcus Russell, the uber-talented QB drafted first overall by the Raiders in 2007, who admits he didn’t put in the work and take care of his overweight body. He became a bigger flop than Leaf.
Perhaps my favorite quote from any coach came from Mike Riley, after I asked him how Leaf’s bum shoulder was coming along.
“I don’t know,” Mike said. “I tried talking to him on the phone this morning, but couldn’t hear him over the slot machines.”
QBs are the highest-paid athletes in sports for a reason. And it isn’t because they look good in cruisewear. …
How long can it be before quarterback contracts are excluded from salary cap money? At this pace, we could be looking at billion-dollar deals. …
NFL in need of CPR. The League’s advertising revenue rose 14 percent in 2021, to $4.4 billion. It also generated $11 billion in national revenue. ……
Following an enormous offseason growth spurt, Colts linebacker Darius Leonard wants to be known as “Shaquille.” …
Colts owner Jim Irsay, wanting to get close to any kind of title, has purchased Ali’s championship belt for $6 million. …
Bears GM Ryan Poles is “bothered” by three of his players getting arrested during the offseason. Apparently he was expecting the team record to be broken. …
Smile ‘O The Week: Jerry Jones insists Mike McCarthy wouldn’t be the Cowboys’ head coach if he didn’t want him to be. …
Fernando Tatis Jr. heals like a Romanov, but it appears he will soon rejoin the Padres, depending on his motocross schedule. …
Play the Jim Healy tape on the Pads’ pen: “Ah, that’s a bunch of bull.” …
If the Padres are looking for an experienced “Closer,” Kyra Sedgwick isn’t answering their calls. …
As the great Jerry Magee would say: “Whither Juan Soto?” …
The contending St. Louis Cardinals’ Nolan Arenado and Paul Goldschmidt couldn’t travel to Toronto because they haven’t been vaccinated. Their monetary two-game loss? Arenado, $384, 416, Goldschmidt, $241,758. I do not understand. …
Bruce “Le Tete” Bochy, next to Napoleon my favorite manager born in France, will be the head coach of the French team in the World Baseball Classic. …
“We will lose competitive balance,” said Nick Saban of conference jumpers and NIL, just before he acquired his 11th commitment from an ESPN top 300 prep recruit. …
One thing you never hear college football coaches say: “That’s above my pay grade.” …
Jim Harbaugh’s goals at Michigan are to beat Ohio State, win the Big Ten and a national championship. He forgot the goal to stop wishful thinking. …
I’d like to ask the Ham & Eggers: When we’re forced to separate (unbagged) garbage into another receptacle, who’s going to handle the flies, maggots and other vermin? …
The huge Heinz ketchup bottles are coming down in Pittsburgh’s newly named stadium. Slowly. …
Saudi Arabia is building two parallel, 1,600-foot-tall skyscrapers stretching 75 miles. Seems a bit excessive, even for LIV headquarters. …
Charles Barkley won’t defect to the LIV Tour, which is a shame, because the move would have given him a chance to win his first tournament. …
SANDAG, whatever that is, and other alphabet agencies, are looking into sending a trolley through to Tijuana. Allow me again to quote Jerry Seinfeld. “Oh, yeah, I like this idea.” …
Sen. Josh Hawley’s new book, appropriately titled “Manhood,” goes on sale in May, and is expected to top the charts in the running community. …
Joey Chestnut is not the greatest eater of all time. The title goes to Ed “The Stomach” Honnegan, hilariously played by Fred Gwynne in “The Phil Silvers Show.” …
Scientists (truly) believe the Loch Ness Monster may exist, especially after it joined 40 other celebrating politicians and voted against a bill that would have provided health care for injured veterans. Why, Nessie, why? …
When did we go wrong? I make it when pawn brokers became celebrities.
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